Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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