If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
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And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
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I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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