You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
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I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
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Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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