that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
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He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
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The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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