The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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