Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Randomize