Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize