You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize