So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize