when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize