she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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