I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i think we sleep fucked last night...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize