glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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