my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
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I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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