Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize