its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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