We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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