I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
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I checked into jail on foursquare
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
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Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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