We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
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Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
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Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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