just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize