you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize