I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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