I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize