I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize