i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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