it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
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I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
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Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize