The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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