I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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