last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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