I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
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I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
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My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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