I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
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So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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