none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
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He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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