okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
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I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
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My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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