too bad you live with your parents still
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize