why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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