R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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