Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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