New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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