Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize