The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize