He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
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I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
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We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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