he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
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Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
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I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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