My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize