I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I touched a dick in church today
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