I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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