he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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