I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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