Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
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I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
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I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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