Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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