i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
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They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
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Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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